I got a post radiation/chemotherapy MRI on Monday and today I went to the oncologist to see where we are with the remaining 20% of the tumor that was left from the surgery.
It's really good news. There is no visible tumor, and the cavity where the tumor was has significantly shrunk. This is a result of the latest combo treatment of radiation and temador which is the newest drug that can cross the brain barrier.
There is still the likelihood of microscopic traces of cancer and the statistical probability of re-occurrence is still very high with grade 4 cancer. However, the oncologist reminds me that I am not a statistic, and that the preliminary results place me in the best end of the statistical bell curve.
So, starting this week I will be going back on the chemo therapy on a month by month basis with a three month MRI schedule to watch for and signs of the cancer returning.
There are new therapies like the cyber-knife and 150 different chemo combos which will await and return of the cancer.
We feel very fortunate to know that the treatment so far has been as successful as the trials had suggested it might be.
I'll still be facing fatigue problems with the new chemo treatment which is five times more powerful than what I was on earlier. I handled the previous treatment very well, and I hope that will be the case going forward. Thank-you for all the prayers in our behalf. They really make a difference.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Too Long
Sorry, I've been away from blogging for such a while. I just wanted to thank the Lord to be with my youngest daughter for her 16th birthday. That's one of those life-time events that no-one wants to miss.
What a sweet beautiful young woman she has become, she is so mature for her age. I guess it's time to get the shotgun out now that various boys have been patiently waiting for her 16th birthday so the dating can begin. I guess they will have to get past Sam and Bruce first. (Ha, good luck with that one!)
What a sweet beautiful young woman she has become, she is so mature for her age. I guess it's time to get the shotgun out now that various boys have been patiently waiting for her 16th birthday so the dating can begin. I guess they will have to get past Sam and Bruce first. (Ha, good luck with that one!)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Working with the youth.
I have had the privilege of working closely with the youth of our ward over the past twenty-two years. I was called to be the 2nd counselor in our ward Bishopric in Taylorsville in 1986. Since that day I have been blessed to be a Scout Leader, and work in almost every position in the young mens program including five years as Bishop.
I just love working with youth who are so amazingly faithful. Currently, I am serving as YM President and I get to be with our amazing Priest Quorum. Part of the Priest Quorum activities is a summer camp. Since high adventure is a part of the Venture program, we decided last year to add a little spice to our activity level. Because we have such a strong obedient group of young men in our quorum, we decided to take on the activity of rock climbing and rappelling as our quorum specialty. Since this can be a somewhat risky activity, as leaders, we decided it would be prudent to take all of the Scouting training that was available. So, last year 10 brethren in the ward completed the climb-on-safely scout training in preparation for our summer camp in Zion National Park.
Although this was a fairly rigorous training, and I have spent many many hours on the rocks with my own two boys, leading a group of 24 Priests on a rappel trip in Zion Park was a very daunting undertaking. But, knowing the willingness of these boys to listen to instruction and take instruction seriously, we thought it would be a trip to remember. We spent several Tuesday night activities in the Spring time preparing and teaching the YM how to rappel in American Fork canyon.
I am very glad that we did the prep work ahead of any attempt on a real serious rappel at Zion. Some of the boys in the Quorum seriously took more than 20 minutes to get themselves to overcome their fear and back of that ledge for the first time. We could not have succeeded at Zion with that going on with everyone in the group. We decided to attempt Keyhole and Pine Creek Canyon with the boys.
We took a group of ten leaders from the ward down to Zion the week before the actual rappel so that we could go through both rappels so that we were more prepared. I am so glad that we did that because as it turned out doing both rappels was to much to accomplish in one day. To get a feel for what we did, you can click on this link to see Keyhole and Pine Creek.
The night before we did the rappels, we were meeting with the group of Priests and just going over some last safety tips. Just before closing for the night, I felt inspired to tell these young men that often the Lord will use the physical world around us to teach us profound truths, but that if we weren't looking for the message, we could easily miss it completely.
The next day, we split into two separate groups, and one group did a quiet day in the narrows while the other group headed up by Greg Hope tackled Pine Creek Canyon. I was leading the group heading into the narrows and we got back to camp before the other group. I have never prayed so hard to see the other group come around the corner back to camp. I was so worried that something might have happened to them. They made it safely back and we shared a night of stories of the rappel. We had practiced allot, but we should have spend a little more time practicing ascending for emergency situations.
The next day was our turn in Pine Creek Canyon. It was a day never to be forgotten. These YM were perfectly obedient and we enjoyed as much high adventure as I ever want to face again.
Today, I received an email from one of those YM who graduated last year. He spent time in prayer before going on the rappel and asked the Lord to show him the special meaning of the experience he was about to have. That night we had a testimony meeting around the camp fire and each YM stood and shared the deep meaning of his own experience. This is a special group of YM and I was so deeply moved by their desire to look to God for direction in their life. The are so easy to inspire and the are so willing to share.
The email I just received was from one of those exceptional YM who faced his own serious battle with cancer. He wrote a poem about the rappel experience and with his permission, I just want to share some of his feelings and his poem and letter:
You have had a big impact on my life, and
on other peoples' lives as well. I will always remember the lessons in
Priest's Quorum, where you, and the other leaders taught us not only gospel
truths, but how to recognize the Spirit. The Zion's trip we all went on has
really helped me, I remember you telling us to look for spiritual
applications to the physical things in the world. I have found many
insights from that, beginning from that rappelling trip we took. I even
wrote a poem about it. There were so many connections and applications in
that testimony meeting that night, but the ones I came up with were, the
rope is Jesus Christ. The ATC is the Holy Ghost. The belayer is the
prophet/priesthood. The whole trip is our earthly life in the plan of
salvation.
Excitement and terror were present that day,
Peering over the edge, I shout "on belay"
None of my practice seemed adequate now,
A one hundred foot drop, my question was how?
No cliff to steady my legs shaking in fear,
I would hang all alone, with help nowhere near.
My body screamed with all of it's might,
"I'd rather be stranded on this mountain all night!"
I had trained for months to accomplish this feat,
And I wasn't about to admit my defeat.
But to reach the bottom alive there was only one hope,
And that was to never let go of the rope.
Adrenaline pumping, I signaled to go,
I began my descent, careful and slow.
Through the towering cliffs of majestic red rock,
I hung in midair‑‑in wonder and shock.
It didn't seem possible, as I hung in the air,
That such a simple device was holding me there.
That small and simple device, called an ATC,
Kept threading my rope, kept it coming to me.
With the rope in his hands, a man stood below,
Earnestly watching this spectacular show.
He watched, I'm sure, for what seemed like an hour,
And that rope that he held filled him with power.
And if ever I felt that something was wrong,
He'd give me voices of warning and keep cheering me on.
His own ATC would help keep me in place,
I could tell I was safe by that look in his face.
Nothing compared since the day of my birth,
To one of the top ten rappels on the face of this earth.
And as I continued from beginning to end,
That life saving rope became my best friend.
The end finally came and my feet touched the floor,
I felt I could conquer everything life had in store.
So to those on the cliff, this one thing I know:
It's the ride of your life‑‑so never let go.
-----
What more can I say, Kyle is just typical of this group of YM. They are each going to be such powerful missionaries. What a blessing to be able to work with them. Life is so good!
I just love working with youth who are so amazingly faithful. Currently, I am serving as YM President and I get to be with our amazing Priest Quorum. Part of the Priest Quorum activities is a summer camp. Since high adventure is a part of the Venture program, we decided last year to add a little spice to our activity level. Because we have such a strong obedient group of young men in our quorum, we decided to take on the activity of rock climbing and rappelling as our quorum specialty. Since this can be a somewhat risky activity, as leaders, we decided it would be prudent to take all of the Scouting training that was available. So, last year 10 brethren in the ward completed the climb-on-safely scout training in preparation for our summer camp in Zion National Park.
Although this was a fairly rigorous training, and I have spent many many hours on the rocks with my own two boys, leading a group of 24 Priests on a rappel trip in Zion Park was a very daunting undertaking. But, knowing the willingness of these boys to listen to instruction and take instruction seriously, we thought it would be a trip to remember. We spent several Tuesday night activities in the Spring time preparing and teaching the YM how to rappel in American Fork canyon.
I am very glad that we did the prep work ahead of any attempt on a real serious rappel at Zion. Some of the boys in the Quorum seriously took more than 20 minutes to get themselves to overcome their fear and back of that ledge for the first time. We could not have succeeded at Zion with that going on with everyone in the group. We decided to attempt Keyhole and Pine Creek Canyon with the boys.
We took a group of ten leaders from the ward down to Zion the week before the actual rappel so that we could go through both rappels so that we were more prepared. I am so glad that we did that because as it turned out doing both rappels was to much to accomplish in one day. To get a feel for what we did, you can click on this link to see Keyhole and Pine Creek.
The night before we did the rappels, we were meeting with the group of Priests and just going over some last safety tips. Just before closing for the night, I felt inspired to tell these young men that often the Lord will use the physical world around us to teach us profound truths, but that if we weren't looking for the message, we could easily miss it completely.
The next day, we split into two separate groups, and one group did a quiet day in the narrows while the other group headed up by Greg Hope tackled Pine Creek Canyon. I was leading the group heading into the narrows and we got back to camp before the other group. I have never prayed so hard to see the other group come around the corner back to camp. I was so worried that something might have happened to them. They made it safely back and we shared a night of stories of the rappel. We had practiced allot, but we should have spend a little more time practicing ascending for emergency situations.
The next day was our turn in Pine Creek Canyon. It was a day never to be forgotten. These YM were perfectly obedient and we enjoyed as much high adventure as I ever want to face again.
Today, I received an email from one of those YM who graduated last year. He spent time in prayer before going on the rappel and asked the Lord to show him the special meaning of the experience he was about to have. That night we had a testimony meeting around the camp fire and each YM stood and shared the deep meaning of his own experience. This is a special group of YM and I was so deeply moved by their desire to look to God for direction in their life. The are so easy to inspire and the are so willing to share.
The email I just received was from one of those exceptional YM who faced his own serious battle with cancer. He wrote a poem about the rappel experience and with his permission, I just want to share some of his feelings and his poem and letter:
You have had a big impact on my life, and
on other peoples' lives as well. I will always remember the lessons in
Priest's Quorum, where you, and the other leaders taught us not only gospel
truths, but how to recognize the Spirit. The Zion's trip we all went on has
really helped me, I remember you telling us to look for spiritual
applications to the physical things in the world. I have found many
insights from that, beginning from that rappelling trip we took. I even
wrote a poem about it. There were so many connections and applications in
that testimony meeting that night, but the ones I came up with were, the
rope is Jesus Christ. The ATC is the Holy Ghost. The belayer is the
prophet/priesthood. The whole trip is our earthly life in the plan of
salvation.
Excitement and terror were present that day,
Peering over the edge, I shout "on belay"
None of my practice seemed adequate now,
A one hundred foot drop, my question was how?
No cliff to steady my legs shaking in fear,
I would hang all alone, with help nowhere near.
My body screamed with all of it's might,
"I'd rather be stranded on this mountain all night!"
I had trained for months to accomplish this feat,
And I wasn't about to admit my defeat.
But to reach the bottom alive there was only one hope,
And that was to never let go of the rope.
Adrenaline pumping, I signaled to go,
I began my descent, careful and slow.
Through the towering cliffs of majestic red rock,
I hung in midair‑‑in wonder and shock.
It didn't seem possible, as I hung in the air,
That such a simple device was holding me there.
That small and simple device, called an ATC,
Kept threading my rope, kept it coming to me.
With the rope in his hands, a man stood below,
Earnestly watching this spectacular show.
He watched, I'm sure, for what seemed like an hour,
And that rope that he held filled him with power.
And if ever I felt that something was wrong,
He'd give me voices of warning and keep cheering me on.
His own ATC would help keep me in place,
I could tell I was safe by that look in his face.
Nothing compared since the day of my birth,
To one of the top ten rappels on the face of this earth.
And as I continued from beginning to end,
That life saving rope became my best friend.
The end finally came and my feet touched the floor,
I felt I could conquer everything life had in store.
So to those on the cliff, this one thing I know:
It's the ride of your life‑‑so never let go.
-----
What more can I say, Kyle is just typical of this group of YM. They are each going to be such powerful missionaries. What a blessing to be able to work with them. Life is so good!
Friday, April 4, 2008
Family Strength
Well, last night we (mom,dad, kids) stayed up late discussing the statistics I had found during the day. It turns out they had already found that web site and were well into dealing with it themselves before I told them about it.
It was interesting thing to see our children give us a good lesson in faithfulness. They seem mature beyond their years. It was good to see them lending strength to each other.
We are grateful as a family for the wonderful thoughts of friends, family, and neighbors.
Today, I saw faith turning from theory to practical working knowledge and I am warmed by the nearness of heaven. I am looking forward to conference. I am always strengthened by seeing and hearing from the leaders of the Church.
It was interesting thing to see our children give us a good lesson in faithfulness. They seem mature beyond their years. It was good to see them lending strength to each other.
We are grateful as a family for the wonderful thoughts of friends, family, and neighbors.
Today, I saw faith turning from theory to practical working knowledge and I am warmed by the nearness of heaven. I am looking forward to conference. I am always strengthened by seeing and hearing from the leaders of the Church.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Reality setting in
Wow, today was such a hard day. I finally got to reading and studying about this disease and, to be completely honest, the numbers don't look very encouraging statistically speaking. I have to admit to losing just a little hope today and for me, that's really a hard hard thing.
I knew this would eventually come, but I tried so hard to not notice this information. It turns out the median average time with this disease is only 17.6 months. The 3 year survival rate is only 1 in 20 and the five year is 1 in 5000. Those are really tough odds, but I am trying to remember that for everyone who falls short, there is someone who exceeds the rates as well.
So, if you ever had a feeling to pray for us and our family, NOW would be the time to exercise your faith in our behalf. I really need some positive influence around me right now. They say that I am ahead of where they expected me to be right now, so I feel all the effort at running was worth it.
I knew this would eventually come, but I tried so hard to not notice this information. It turns out the median average time with this disease is only 17.6 months. The 3 year survival rate is only 1 in 20 and the five year is 1 in 5000. Those are really tough odds, but I am trying to remember that for everyone who falls short, there is someone who exceeds the rates as well.
So, if you ever had a feeling to pray for us and our family, NOW would be the time to exercise your faith in our behalf. I really need some positive influence around me right now. They say that I am ahead of where they expected me to be right now, so I feel all the effort at running was worth it.
Day By Day
Well, I am getting ready for next week when I'll find out more about Radiation and chemotherapy. I guess there are a variety of ways people respond to this treatment. I just know the Dr. told me he expects me do my part by coming in a healthy as possible. I have been walking about one mile each day. It seems really easy compared to running, but by the time I get finished, I feel tired.
It has been an interesting experience having access to so many others faith. When mine wavers from time to time, I feel like I still get to make a withdrawal from the faith bank. I am not sure how all this works, but we do know that the Lord can do no miracle among the children of men without their faith. So, this tells me that God can be limited by faithlessness.
I have been especially careful to notice and disregard the adversary's attempts to discourage me ad/or my family.
I believe that holding onto grudges and hard feelings over the past few years have playes some role in my situation--although I don't think they are the complete cause. The only thing I am struggling to work through right now is the unknown. I think once treatement starts next week, I'll have lots to focus my energy on.
I have witnessed many miracles in life and I have complete faith in God's power, I just don't quite know his will yet. I will try hard to align my will with his. I know I have lots of plans for being around for many years and Tere and I have great desires to serve the Lord in our advanced years. I ope God will grant us that opportunity.
God has been so kind to us and our family for so many years. He has provided us with good employment, health, strong children and lots of opportunities to serve Him. How grateful I am that our family found the Church when I was only 11 yrs old. I often wonder how I would have responded to the gospel as an adult. Thankfully, my parents were wise and desirously searching while we were all growing up. Thank you everyone for you continued prayers. I am feeling better and stronger each day.
I guess each of us must face our own mortality at some time. The fact that our lives here are temporary is an important part of the plan. The latest word from the Dr. is that I have likely less then two hundred years to go. We'll make the most of it! :)
It has been an interesting experience having access to so many others faith. When mine wavers from time to time, I feel like I still get to make a withdrawal from the faith bank. I am not sure how all this works, but we do know that the Lord can do no miracle among the children of men without their faith. So, this tells me that God can be limited by faithlessness.
I have been especially careful to notice and disregard the adversary's attempts to discourage me ad/or my family.
I believe that holding onto grudges and hard feelings over the past few years have playes some role in my situation--although I don't think they are the complete cause. The only thing I am struggling to work through right now is the unknown. I think once treatement starts next week, I'll have lots to focus my energy on.
I have witnessed many miracles in life and I have complete faith in God's power, I just don't quite know his will yet. I will try hard to align my will with his. I know I have lots of plans for being around for many years and Tere and I have great desires to serve the Lord in our advanced years. I ope God will grant us that opportunity.
God has been so kind to us and our family for so many years. He has provided us with good employment, health, strong children and lots of opportunities to serve Him. How grateful I am that our family found the Church when I was only 11 yrs old. I often wonder how I would have responded to the gospel as an adult. Thankfully, my parents were wise and desirously searching while we were all growing up. Thank you everyone for you continued prayers. I am feeling better and stronger each day.
I guess each of us must face our own mortality at some time. The fact that our lives here are temporary is an important part of the plan. The latest word from the Dr. is that I have likely less then two hundred years to go. We'll make the most of it! :)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Medical Treatmet Choices
I just wanted to talk for a moment about the quality of care we received both at American Fork Hospital and at Utah Regional Med Center. On Wed the 19th when we decided that "fall-on-the-floor" head-pain would probably pass the threshold for walking into an emergency room, the doctors at A.F. went right to work with a series of tests that began to lead to the correct diagnosis. After not having actual flu, Dr. Greenwood wise suggested taking a CT scan just to be sure.
That scan lead to a quick ride to Provo in an ambulance to have a MRI and to meet with Dr. Lynn Gaufin. Dr. Gaufin is someone who normally takes several months to see. By the time I had arrived around 2:00pm he was just finishing up his second brain surgery, with one more scheduled for that evening. Needless to say, he is in great demand, and it is miraculous that he would take the time just to read the mri.
I have heard from several sources that Dr. Gaufin is considered to be among the top surgeons in the country. I am personally grateful for his personal sacrifice that placed him directly in my path that day. Imagine the years of preparation required for this man to operate at this level of expertise.
He decided to "fit me in" his schedule the next morning which required sacrifice on his part. His Christlike manner with me and my wife gave us needed assurance that although the situation was frightful, the Saviour stood close by. Before the operation, he told us that he would likely have to make some important decisions about how aggressive to be during the operation.
I told him of the lifetime I have spent as a runner and a serious athlete in college. He later reported that during the surgery a moment came when he had decided to go after more of the tumor, but that he felt the Spirit tell him to stop right there. He said that had he continued I would have likely lost the use of my legs or lost my life.
The decision to stop where he did and use other alternative treatments like radiation and chemotherapy was not one that was made in a trivial manner and I am grateful for his spiritual preparation in my behalf.
He is also the Dr. who has placed the remaining treatment in the hands of the good Doctors at the Huntsman Institute.
I have no idea what the ultimate outcome of the treatments will be, however, this I do know that God can be trusted. I have lived a life of 47 years watching God' personal touch in my life and I have complete and total confidence in his will.
At the start of this experience, I found myself spending enormous amounts of time trying to say the right thing to friends family and relatives so that they would not be so worried about me.
A personal counselor has sense told me that that is not a good strategy for getting through this successfully. I sometimes feel a great (almost guilt) for this having happened to us all, and I also sense that the experience isn't just for me, but that some of you are involved for important reasons unknown to me. I hope no-one minds, but I have decided that its ok to be a little discouraged from time to time and I will likely express that fear in public ways so, don't get to shaken if you see a few cracks as the process progresses.
I know its hard to believe that something like this can happen so randomly and I have heard more than just a little fear from family, friends, and others. Perhaps you might be wondering what is it like to receive such news.
I think it might be valuable to share with you some information that you must take into account when trying to process this event about me. I will share just a little peek inside my heart, but you must know that in sharing some of this information, I am purposefully being very vague because it is extremely personal to me.
First, you must know that I believe that there has NEVER lived a man upon the face of the earth more perfectly matched to his spouse. The story of our life together is the stuff a fairy tales only I get to life in it. Whatever great design and scheme God came up with before sending man to earth about the joys of marriage, he must surly look and me and my family and think to himself, wow, that one REALLY turned out nicely.
Again, the details are purposefully left out, but when the Lord said that where much is given much was expected, I knew I was in serious trouble. Our life from our chance meeting to this very moment has been something filled with God's hand being manifest in plain sight. We can truly say without ANY hesitation, that we have come to fully appreciate the fullness of temple blessings while dwelling in the flesh. We feel the presence of the Lord in our marriage, family and home. He is a welcome and frequent guest.
I believe that my children are some of the noblest of Gods creations to ever grace this planet. Being their father has been the thrill of a lifetime. I expect great things from them and they also have come to appreciate the total meaning of being born in the covenant because through it they also count the Lord among their personal friends. Anyone who knows them closely knows this is true.
As for my current state of mind: I have never felt closer to the Lord than I do right now. I have come to know the richness of his personality, I know of his personal features and characteristics. I am astonished at his love for me personally and his willingness to not only atone for the world, but for his personal care in making sure that I apply that atonement in my own life. He has personally shown me how to do this and how to come to a fullness of assurance about that relationship so that I would not waste time worrying about such things at a time like this.
Now, if someone so weak and wretched as I have had the personal benefit of such tutoring, who am I to now turn to him as ask silly questions like why me? Why me? Why not me! He only seeks to refine me and purge out my imperfections. I tremble with fear sometimes when the full weight of my situation settles on my mind, but I can't teach him anything about fear, he already knows. Yes this is scary and I am not going to try hiding it, but it is simultaneously the most glorious experience of my life.
May God grant that this experience be a blessing in your life. May he help me to accomplish his will through it. As President Hinckley has so often remined us: God be thanked for the glorious gift of his matchless Son.
We so appreciate your prayers. Please keep them positive and know that we have made our medical decisions in the most prayerful and careful way we know how.
That scan lead to a quick ride to Provo in an ambulance to have a MRI and to meet with Dr. Lynn Gaufin. Dr. Gaufin is someone who normally takes several months to see. By the time I had arrived around 2:00pm he was just finishing up his second brain surgery, with one more scheduled for that evening. Needless to say, he is in great demand, and it is miraculous that he would take the time just to read the mri.
I have heard from several sources that Dr. Gaufin is considered to be among the top surgeons in the country. I am personally grateful for his personal sacrifice that placed him directly in my path that day. Imagine the years of preparation required for this man to operate at this level of expertise.
He decided to "fit me in" his schedule the next morning which required sacrifice on his part. His Christlike manner with me and my wife gave us needed assurance that although the situation was frightful, the Saviour stood close by. Before the operation, he told us that he would likely have to make some important decisions about how aggressive to be during the operation.
I told him of the lifetime I have spent as a runner and a serious athlete in college. He later reported that during the surgery a moment came when he had decided to go after more of the tumor, but that he felt the Spirit tell him to stop right there. He said that had he continued I would have likely lost the use of my legs or lost my life.
The decision to stop where he did and use other alternative treatments like radiation and chemotherapy was not one that was made in a trivial manner and I am grateful for his spiritual preparation in my behalf.
He is also the Dr. who has placed the remaining treatment in the hands of the good Doctors at the Huntsman Institute.
I have no idea what the ultimate outcome of the treatments will be, however, this I do know that God can be trusted. I have lived a life of 47 years watching God' personal touch in my life and I have complete and total confidence in his will.
At the start of this experience, I found myself spending enormous amounts of time trying to say the right thing to friends family and relatives so that they would not be so worried about me.
A personal counselor has sense told me that that is not a good strategy for getting through this successfully. I sometimes feel a great (almost guilt) for this having happened to us all, and I also sense that the experience isn't just for me, but that some of you are involved for important reasons unknown to me. I hope no-one minds, but I have decided that its ok to be a little discouraged from time to time and I will likely express that fear in public ways so, don't get to shaken if you see a few cracks as the process progresses.
I know its hard to believe that something like this can happen so randomly and I have heard more than just a little fear from family, friends, and others. Perhaps you might be wondering what is it like to receive such news.
I think it might be valuable to share with you some information that you must take into account when trying to process this event about me. I will share just a little peek inside my heart, but you must know that in sharing some of this information, I am purposefully being very vague because it is extremely personal to me.
First, you must know that I believe that there has NEVER lived a man upon the face of the earth more perfectly matched to his spouse. The story of our life together is the stuff a fairy tales only I get to life in it. Whatever great design and scheme God came up with before sending man to earth about the joys of marriage, he must surly look and me and my family and think to himself, wow, that one REALLY turned out nicely.
Again, the details are purposefully left out, but when the Lord said that where much is given much was expected, I knew I was in serious trouble. Our life from our chance meeting to this very moment has been something filled with God's hand being manifest in plain sight. We can truly say without ANY hesitation, that we have come to fully appreciate the fullness of temple blessings while dwelling in the flesh. We feel the presence of the Lord in our marriage, family and home. He is a welcome and frequent guest.
I believe that my children are some of the noblest of Gods creations to ever grace this planet. Being their father has been the thrill of a lifetime. I expect great things from them and they also have come to appreciate the total meaning of being born in the covenant because through it they also count the Lord among their personal friends. Anyone who knows them closely knows this is true.
As for my current state of mind: I have never felt closer to the Lord than I do right now. I have come to know the richness of his personality, I know of his personal features and characteristics. I am astonished at his love for me personally and his willingness to not only atone for the world, but for his personal care in making sure that I apply that atonement in my own life. He has personally shown me how to do this and how to come to a fullness of assurance about that relationship so that I would not waste time worrying about such things at a time like this.
Now, if someone so weak and wretched as I have had the personal benefit of such tutoring, who am I to now turn to him as ask silly questions like why me? Why me? Why not me! He only seeks to refine me and purge out my imperfections. I tremble with fear sometimes when the full weight of my situation settles on my mind, but I can't teach him anything about fear, he already knows. Yes this is scary and I am not going to try hiding it, but it is simultaneously the most glorious experience of my life.
May God grant that this experience be a blessing in your life. May he help me to accomplish his will through it. As President Hinckley has so often remined us: God be thanked for the glorious gift of his matchless Son.
We so appreciate your prayers. Please keep them positive and know that we have made our medical decisions in the most prayerful and careful way we know how.
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