Medical Treatmet Choices

I just wanted to talk for a moment about the quality of care we received both at American Fork Hospital and at Utah Regional Med Center. On Wed the 19th when we decided that "fall-on-the-floor" head-pain would probably pass the threshold for walking into an emergency room, the doctors at A.F. went right to work with a series of tests that began to lead to the correct diagnosis. After not having actual flu, Dr. Greenwood wise suggested taking a CT scan just to be sure.

That scan lead to a quick ride to Provo in an ambulance to have a MRI and to meet with Dr. Lynn Gaufin. Dr. Gaufin is someone who normally takes several months to see. By the time I had arrived around 2:00pm he was just finishing up his second brain surgery, with one more scheduled for that evening. Needless to say, he is in great demand, and it is miraculous that he would take the time just to read the mri.

I have heard from several sources that Dr. Gaufin is considered to be among the top surgeons in the country. I am personally grateful for his personal sacrifice that placed him directly in my path that day. Imagine the years of preparation required for this man to operate at this level of expertise.

He decided to "fit me in" his schedule the next morning which required sacrifice on his part. His Christlike manner with me and my wife gave us needed assurance that although the situation was frightful, the Saviour stood close by. Before the operation, he told us that he would likely have to make some important decisions about how aggressive to be during the operation.

I told him of the lifetime I have spent as a runner and a serious athlete in college. He later reported that during the surgery a moment came when he had decided to go after more of the tumor, but that he felt the Spirit tell him to stop right there. He said that had he continued I would have likely lost the use of my legs or lost my life.

The decision to stop where he did and use other alternative treatments like radiation and chemotherapy was not one that was made in a trivial manner and I am grateful for his spiritual preparation in my behalf.

He is also the Dr. who has placed the remaining treatment in the hands of the good Doctors at the Huntsman Institute.

I have no idea what the ultimate outcome of the treatments will be, however, this I do know that God can be trusted. I have lived a life of 47 years watching God' personal touch in my life and I have complete and total confidence in his will.

At the start of this experience, I found myself spending enormous amounts of time trying to say the right thing to friends family and relatives so that they would not be so worried about me.

A personal counselor has sense told me that that is not a good strategy for getting through this successfully. I sometimes feel a great (almost guilt) for this having happened to us all, and I also sense that the experience isn't just for me, but that some of you are involved for important reasons unknown to me. I hope no-one minds, but I have decided that its ok to be a little discouraged from time to time and I will likely express that fear in public ways so, don't get to shaken if you see a few cracks as the process progresses.

I know its hard to believe that something like this can happen so randomly and I have heard more than just a little fear from family, friends, and others. Perhaps you might be wondering what is it like to receive such news.

I think it might be valuable to share with you some information that you must take into account when trying to process this event about me. I will share just a little peek inside my heart, but you must know that in sharing some of this information, I am purposefully being very vague because it is extremely personal to me.

First, you must know that I believe that there has NEVER lived a man upon the face of the earth more perfectly matched to his spouse. The story of our life together is the stuff a fairy tales only I get to life in it. Whatever great design and scheme God came up with before sending man to earth about the joys of marriage, he must surly look and me and my family and think to himself, wow, that one REALLY turned out nicely.

Again, the details are purposefully left out, but when the Lord said that where much is given much was expected, I knew I was in serious trouble. Our life from our chance meeting to this very moment has been something filled with God's hand being manifest in plain sight. We can truly say without ANY hesitation, that we have come to fully appreciate the fullness of temple blessings while dwelling in the flesh. We feel the presence of the Lord in our marriage, family and home. He is a welcome and frequent guest.

I believe that my children are some of the noblest of Gods creations to ever grace this planet. Being their father has been the thrill of a lifetime. I expect great things from them and they also have come to appreciate the total meaning of being born in the covenant because through it they also count the Lord among their personal friends. Anyone who knows them closely knows this is true.

As for my current state of mind: I have never felt closer to the Lord than I do right now. I have come to know the richness of his personality, I know of his personal features and characteristics. I am astonished at his love for me personally and his willingness to not only atone for the world, but for his personal care in making sure that I apply that atonement in my own life. He has personally shown me how to do this and how to come to a fullness of assurance about that relationship so that I would not waste time worrying about such things at a time like this.

Now, if someone so weak and wretched as I have had the personal benefit of such tutoring, who am I to now turn to him as ask silly questions like why me? Why me? Why not me! He only seeks to refine me and purge out my imperfections. I tremble with fear sometimes when the full weight of my situation settles on my mind, but I can't teach him anything about fear, he already knows. Yes this is scary and I am not going to try hiding it, but it is simultaneously the most glorious experience of my life.

May God grant that this experience be a blessing in your life. May he help me to accomplish his will through it. As President Hinckley has so often remined us: God be thanked for the glorious gift of his matchless Son.

We so appreciate your prayers. Please keep them positive and know that we have made our medical decisions in the most prayerful and careful way we know how.

Learning to accept

I don't know allot about the physiological stages of dealing with major changes in life like this journey, but I have recognized the way I talk to myself about what is going on as a way of coping. I always like humor because just about any difficulty blessed with the passage of time can seem almost comical.

So, here is a funny poster from the demotivater site dispare.com



I hope my sense of dealing with this doesn't offend anyone, but it gave me a really good laugh, and then a kind-of somber sigh.

PJ The SuperHero

PJ says its ok for Super heros to be afraid.

The Real Story

Hi everyone. I am astonished at the amazing outpouring that has come to our family as a result of the sudden change that has happened to me personally. I am amazed at how connected we all feel. I decided to create this blog so that I could share this experience with you. I am asking my self how I can use this experience to benefit those around me. It would be nice if you could get the good parts of this experience without having to go through it personally.

I have a lot to say about what has happened and I am trying to prayerfully find words that can somehow convey those thoughts to you.